omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
