i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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