did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she looked like the before picture.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize