He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
