Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
