So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Randomize
