Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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