R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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