Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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