shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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