did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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