If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
