Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My bed smells like the plague
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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