I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
