I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
