Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
