trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
