I think I died a long time ago.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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