Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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