I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
