Kiss
Puke
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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