I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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