i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
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