I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize