dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
