her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
