Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
