My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
did i walk over a car last night?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
