Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize
