I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
