Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I want is dick and wine.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
