im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
