Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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