just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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