thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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