I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
