I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
