Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
