she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
