im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
