thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
