I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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