she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
