There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
