I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
