I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
