So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
