I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
