How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
