i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
