you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
