the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
