I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
