His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
40s are totally the cure
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
