his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
