life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize