my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
