can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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