I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
