She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
