he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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