Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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