This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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